A woman is at a crossroads with her partner over their life situation, as detailed in her post on Reddit’s “Am I the A ** hole” channel.
In his post, who has so far received over 10,000 votes, u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote that she and her partner “Ben” agreed to separate their finances when they started dating almost a year ago and half.
Ben currently owns a five bedroom house in which his friends live and pay him rent. To calculate the monthly rent u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote that Ben divided the mortgage by the number of people living in the house.
However, she noted that he has a large mortgage payment because it’s a 15-year mortgage, his credit rating is bad, and he made a small down payment.
“It also doesn’t give Ben any money to maintain the house,” u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote. “He uses credit cards and payday loans for urgent house repairs.”
The poster wrote that Ben had told her that she should focus on paying off her debts, rather than contributing to a 401K and her checks, savings and an investment account.
“Ben suggested that I empty those accounts and use the money for debt repayment,” u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote. “He thinks I need to be more like him; at the end of the month all his extra money is spent on debt.”
She explained that her credit rating is strong and her debt-to-income ratio is low.
When the couple had a conversation about life together, they discovered they were on two different pages.
u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote that she wanted to keep her apartment rather than move in with him.
“He argues that the money I spend on rent is money we could save,” she wrote. “I wouldn’t be saving money and would need to buy a car. The house is expensive for reasons I wouldn’t take advantage of and it’s big.”
She said she didn’t want to live with someone unless there was a possibility of equal contribution through rent, or if she was a co-owner of a house.
u / Fearless_File_8971 explained that she wouldn’t be comfortable with Ben being the sole owner of the house they live in, as he would be in control of any changes and upgrades being made.
Ben told her that renting would be a waste of money and that they couldn’t own a house together as they would need to combine their finances to make it possible. When u / Fearless_File_8971 told her that she could own a house and he could move in, he told her it was “ridiculous” because they didn’t know when she could buy a house.
“He said I had no valid reason to refuse to live in a house just because he owned it and that would force him to go back to renting or combine finances with me,” he said. -she writes.
Although u / Fearless_File_8971 wrote that she felt guilty because she might have changed her mind about combining her finances with another, many reviewers have assured her that she is not wrong to what she was feeling.
“He just told you that you are financially incompatible,” u / thirdtryisthecharm commented. “It’s time to seriously consider the longevity of this relationship.”
Some have suggested that Ben may have hoped that if u / Fearless_File_8971 moved into his house, some of his financial strain might ease, despite having “separate finances.”
“I guess he sees OP’s emergency fund as a sum of $$$ he could spend,” u / _higglety commented.
Echoing the sentiment, u / Few-Cable5130 wrote: “Honestly [it] Looks like he’s drowning with his oversized mortgage and sees you as a way to pay off his OWN debt. “
An article published by Experian acknowledged the difficulties a relationship can face due to a financial incompatibility.
One person in the relationship can be extremely frugal, while the other person struggles to live with their budget. On the other hand, one can have extreme spending habits that make it difficult to pay bills.
The article encourages couples to create and stick to a realistic budget that both people agree to. They should also have clear goals for their finances together and set ground rules for their budget.
For everything to work, the couple must maintain open communication with each other and check spending and savings.
News week contacted u / Fearless_File_8971 for comment.